He is an equal opportunity slut.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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