Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
