okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
me + whiskey = a bad person
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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