when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i believe in u and ur pee
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
