Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
