I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
