did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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