I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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