Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
