I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
