I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
