Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
