Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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