i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
