Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
its not stalking. its research.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
