I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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