Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Alive.
So much puke
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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