I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
