I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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