Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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