He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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