PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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