epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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