I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
