I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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