it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
