I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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