How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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