ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
