Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize