ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
