dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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