Christians are straight up FREAKS
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
