We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
