fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
