addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
