i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
