im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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