people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
