I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
