My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize