There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
