Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize