You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
