this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
