I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
