No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
