Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish you could order shots online.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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