my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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