Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
