i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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