yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
