Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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