for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
