Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
