My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
