when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
