I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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