Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
