You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
