thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
