I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
