I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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