Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
